Football Chants of the Decade

by Ben Willcocks

"We lose every week! We lose every week! You're nothing special! We lose every week!"
(image source: bbtandt2.blogspot.com)

As a spectator, I would argue that the greatness of football as a sport lies not in the sublime skill of Messi, Ronaldo and Ibrahimovic or the excellent technique of Van Persie, Bale and Neymar; instead, it is the opportunity to stand up from your seat, scream at an unnatural pitch and volume, and undoubtedly hug a stranger sitting next to you – provided you score a goal or win a penalty.

Being a keen Portsmouth supporter, it’s hard to expect much when I go to the games, so I spend the majority of the time admiring our still ever-strong Pompey faithfuls, who remain good-humoured despite the fact that it is possible we may not even have a club come the end of the year:

"We lose every week! We lose every week! You’re nothing special! We lose every week!"

However, it evidently isn’t just Pompey fans who chant about their team. Many players get chants sung about them either due to their ability, or even their facial features:

"When the ball hits your head and you’re sitting in Row Z, It’s Zamora!"

"He looks like an ape, He looks like an ape, Gareth Bale, He looks like an ape!"

Although many have argued that these chants are slightly malicious, footballers earn far too much money to care what fans have to say and everyone knows it’s in good humour; however, Manchester United fans were complained at for taking it slightly beyond the line with their Korean midfielder Ji-Sung Park:

"Park, Park wherever you may be, Eating dogs in your own country! Could be worse, you could be a Scouse, Eating rats in your council house!"

In my opinion, although these chants are comical in some sense, none of them quite beats the brilliant chant sung this year about Southampton winger Jason Puncheon, who had to leave during the game without being substituted because he forgot to go to the toilet at half-time.

He sh*ts when he wants, He sh*ts when he wants, Jason Puncheon, He sh*ts when he wants!

Finally, I will share with you my favourite chant of all time. Former Liverpool and Portsmouth left-back Armand Traore often had a tendency to perform a howler on the field, losing his team a goal. Therefore, the fans created a re-make of Blame it on the Boogie by The Jackson Five:

"Don’t blame it on Biscan! Don’t blame it on Hamann! Don’t blame it on Finnan! Blame it on Traore!
Oh he just can’t, he just can’t, he just can’t control his feet!"

There is nothing more important in football than the fans; otherwise the sport would completely lose its fuel and there would be nothing left of the sport. No matter who plays or where, the supporters will always use football as an opportunity to get out of the house, have a couple of beers and have a good time, and fortunately their bolshie and mischievous attitude will always come across in their controversial chants in years to come.